Tuesday, February 28, 2012

top ten secrets to a happy marriage

10 sounded like a nice round number, so hopefully I can come up with 9 more. For now I'll call 'em as I see 'em, and we'll rank them later. I figure I'm qualified to create such a list, as I am in a very happy marriage, which means we must be doing something right. Today:

The Clothes Pile

Here I am bravely posting a real-time view of my husband's side of the bed.

Ladies, if you fight the leave-your-clothes-exactly-where-they-fall battle on a daily, or even weekly, basis, I have two pieces of very important advice.

One - Let. It. Go.

This is so deeply embedded in the genetic makeup of men that insisting that they keep it clean is like rolling that rock up the proverbial steep hill. Don't waste your time.

And I can tell you, as a wife who is borderline OCD and has managed to let it go, that the release is completely liberating.

Two - Do not clean it up for him. Think of other ways to spoil your hubby that don't leave you eventually feeling resentful about having to clean up after him.

Does it look horrible? Yes. Do I cringe each time he reaches down and picks up yesterday's jeans and puts them on for day #2? A little. But he's fine with it, and accepting that this is his bedroom, too, and that he has a right to his idiosyncrasies, however unsanitary I think they may be, has kept us in lock step.

In his defense - my hubby keeps himself meticulously clean and groomed, and it's really only the jeans he picks up and wears twice...unless it's the weekend and he's picking up grimy work clothes for day #2 under the car. He seldom lets the pile go longer than four days; and when he cleans it up, he sorts it by load type and turns the socks right side out. You heard me right. And I think that's what I get in return for letting him have his own messy space.

So, my advice? Forget feng shui, and if at all possible, rearrange your bedroom so that your husband's side of the bed is not visible from the doorway or from your immediate line of vision. Don't nag him about the dirty socks and underwear on the floor, and do your very best to just pretend the pile doesn't exist. You might be surprised to see what you get in return.

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